We have all done it, especially if you have been on the diet roller coaster for a while or are used to the cycle of dieting. We start a diet. We lose some weight. We do awesome. We are feeling super. We are feeling like FINALLY! I am in the zone. Weight loss is mine!!!
Maybe we do awesome for weeks. Maybe months. Maybe we lose 10 lbs. or maybe we lose 50. We think YES! I am finally doing it. I have kicked the weight loss baggage. I am leaving behind me the old me and embracing the new me. We think thoughts like, “I don’t have to worry about losing weight ever again” or “I am finally getting the results I desire” and feel invincible.
Ever experienced this before or maybe many times before? I have.
But then, no matter how long we have done great for (weeks or maybe months) or how many pounds we may have lost (maybe 10 or maybe 30)…we get cocky.
That’s the best way to describe it. That is the best way to describe it because I have felt it. I can also describe it as we get lax. Maybe lazy? We let up. Put our guard down a little. Open up to more freedom and fun.
Because we tend to think it’s behind us, or a part of our goal is done, we then take our eye of the prize so to speak. We stop focusing so much on it because we are happy with how we look or are becoming super happy with how we look. Maybe we get some new clothes which always makes us feel excited.
And for me, I would always feel AMAZING and get super CONFIDENT. And if you aren’t used to those feelings, they can become intoxicating. Intoxicating but sabotaging. And before we know it, we have gained 10 lbs. back, maybe 30 lbs. and then we think, “I did it once, I can do it again, no problem.” But then… we emerge from this state of being, from a fog perhaps, BACK to square one or close to it. Right back to where we began.
And this is the worse feeling ever! If you have ever lost a significant amount of weight to only gain it back, then you know this feeling, it is heart breaking. It is devastating. We had what we wanted or we were “on track” to get what we wanted, only to be pulled back to what we don’t want. This weight. This being unhappy with how we look. We were on the greener side of life only to fall back over the fence to the brown, less luxurious side.
The side where we don’t like getting dressed in the morning. We look at the clothing we used to fit into and cry. We can’t give up the vision of being where we were and just can’t accept where we are now or refuse to accept it. We have less fun being us and beat ourselves up constantly over it. We have less confidence and for some reason, it’s hard as hell to get back to it.
Maybe months go by after trying “to get back to it.” We think, “it shouldn’t be this damn hard. I did it once, I can do it again.” And these thoughts, the resistance of it all, makes it 10x even more hard. Maybe even more months go by, a year even and you are still in this state of trying to get it back. But just can’t, no matter what you do.
By now, you are feeling defeated. Like you had your one shot and you messed it up. You feel hopeless to ever get back to that weight, those clothes, that time…
So, what do you do? How can you get out of this weight loss trap? This trap, this cycle of gaining and losing. This whole getting out of it to only be pushed (or so you think) back in. How can you get back to your happy place where you are thriving, losing weight and feeling so good about ourselves but this time, STAY there? LIVE there permanently instead of only vacationing a few times in your life?
I used to ask myself these same things after each failed attempt. Especially after major weight losses of 20 lbs. or more but because I have lost little, lost big and have done that many times over, I have been able to see the patterns. The weight loss trap that got me every time and I wasn’t the wiser.
But at the end of the day, It sucks to gain it all back and feel like you were jipped. To be so close but once again, so far away. But what I discovered, was that I wasn’t alone in this cycle. I see this is so many of my clients too. Especially in those who have been struggling with their weight for years.
And maybe you blame yourself and beat yourself up for this failure all day long. Wishing you could just snap your fingers and POOF be right back to it, only this time you would not allow this to happen again. You would appreciate all that hard work and not take it for granted…but you can’t. And I will tell you this first, a new diet won’t fix it and that is the first place many women go in order to be comforted first.
A diet…It’s an easy fix right? Or is it the exact reason why you are back here to begin with. Back to square one, regardless of how long you did what diet you did the first time to lose it all. That diet mindset, not the diet itself does us in every time. Traps us. And we never really see it coming either.
Let’s talk about the diet comfort or rather discomfort. I know I felt this A LOT and that is because diets are sold as a quick fix. You never see a diet on the market telling you that you have to wait 6 months or a year to lose the weight. It’s usually more like, 7 days, 6 weeks, or 90 days. And when you don’t like something about yourself like your weight, belly bloat, thick thighs…there is a diet for that. And so, when I would get on the bandwagon of I need to make a change and of course I want it as quick as possible because I can’t possibly wait…a diet was always to the rescue.
My desire to look better was a deeper desire to really just feel better about the situation. About my weight or my belly flab and who wants to feel that for a long time? It sucks to not “measure up” to your mind’s standards or your environment…especially if you have others drawing attention to it. It can be painful. Our mind says, we want it gone and we want it gone RIGHT NOW!
And so naturally, we try to force ourselves right back into a diet because after all it worked the first time…or did it?
What I Have Found
What I have found for myself and other women, is that we like to “muscle our way” through diets. Pain is gain type mentality. Usually from a place of being tired of our own shit and so we jump in and don’t look back. Or ahead for that matter.
We do the diet plan, shove ourselves in a mold that we are told works (never thinking about your own life and self) and mostly they can and do, but THEN we don’t EVER get our minds on board along with it. We don’t think about the, after we lose it or when we start to lose it. Or we don’t think, “can I do this for the rest of my life?” “Is this sustainable regardless if I get results or not?”
We only think about the right now, the pain, the discomfort that we immediately want GONE or to be stopped. We think about those horrific pounds keeping us from living our life we want. And like I said…we are only thinking in terms of ‘gone now” or “stop now.” And from these pain points, from this discomfort, we jump on the whatever our friend did that worked diet ship and feel great as long as we are doing and following it…but then real-life situations we can’t muscle through anymore eventually come up. And because we feel great, we lost some weight, can fit into some cute clothing…our muscling becomes less. Becomes lax.
And those real-life situations that comes up…like birthdays, parties, BBQ’s, we get pregnant OR we feel like we have earned a cheat meal for all our hard work or, we start “craving” something we love and haven’t had in a long time. And because our mind is not on board with us, this meal opens up pathways of feeling deprived emotionally (after we have eaten it) which then is followed by going off the rails and for chronic dieters, toward binging much of the time. Which can easily slip us into binging for days, weeks etc. It always did for me.
For me, cheat meals turned to cheat days eating all of the things I can’t have when I go back to my plan…then turned into cheat weeks with the same thinking. I was so tired of not being able to eat what I wanted which was SO apparent when I ate something “off plan” and what I really wanted was freedom.
FREEDOM was missing for me BIG time on any diet because all the diets I did were to lose weight quick. End my pain and suffering, going from feeling fat and not confident in my body to if I stuck with it long enough feeling confident and slim. Which of course, always lead me to feeling deprived eventually and then talking myself into eating a meal at a restaurant I shouldn’t eat BECAUSE (mindset here) it’s a “special occasion”.
The emotional deprivation which really is from lack of getting your mindset right. Getting your mind on board but diets don’t address the mindset. They just give you a diet mentality (the I can’t eat that because it’s off plan) which just never works long term. The diet mentality never sets us up for a lifetime of success only focusing on what we can’t have because of the rules. And when we don’t address it, this whole cycle is what happens. Leaving us feeling even more vulnerable emotionally and looking for another quick fix to fix that other quick fix that didn’t work so well to begin with.
SO… even though you may have gotten results from the plan you followed, it’s the way you didn’t start it and the way you “got off it” that is the trap. The mindset behind the cheat meal or the eating what you hadn’t let yourself have before. The way you saw that situation. The way you felt about it…even if you loved it for getting you those results. But if you can’t do it long term, as in for life, then you won’t ever NOT be back here again.
How To STOP The Trap
You probably think the first thing I am going to tell you is “don’t do a diet” but really, I am not. The first thing I am going to tell you, is that you need to accept the fact that weight loss is a journey. I know, it’s overused, but it’s really the best way to describe it to you. And every time you try and lose the weight, the journey is new and it’s going to be different.
You learn something new about yourself every step of the way in life and weight loss, diets, they are no different. You will always be changing, always growing, even if it feels bad or like massive steps back such as with major disappointment in not maintaining your weight loss.
But when you accept it FULLY, the failures, the lessons or really just accept that it’s not going to magically change overnight, even though gaining it all back feels like it was, it helps you to see what you need to do going ahead more clearly. In this clarity, your thoughts will change about the experience, thus giving you a chance to seek a better way from a feeling of positivity…not negativity.
It is easier to live in the past and think on what went wrong all day long while beating yourself up in the process but that doesn’t get you to a better action for you. It leads you to more horrible actions that won’t work. From places of anxiety, disappointment, and self-hate, you can’t get to a thinner, better you. You will just stay in the blinded by wishing you were back at the old size (or weight) and continuing to try unsuccessfully the same path that got you there the last time.
So “see” completely where you are right now, feel the emotions, seek to understand them (not judge them) and then be prepared to accept in its entirety, your reality right now. Again, not continuing from the “as you were” pain and disappointment place. Sit with it all. Be real. Be authentic. Be you. And let that be OK and enough right now.
Once you have accepted fully your now. Understand that you are where you are and that you can’t just snap your fingers back to before you gained all the weight back…you need to allow yourself to mourn that situation. The circumstance. The new reality.
The more you fight this step and try and resist it, similar to living in the past and not accepting the future…the harder it is for yourself. I know this from such personal experiences. I didn’t realize I would have to mourn the loss of weight. How silly, right?
NO! It’s a step toward progress my friend. Mourning what you had and what you had lost is the next step in acceptance and healing toward future success. And a future success that will go more smoothly than without it. And the best way I found for myself AND others, is to take your time journaling it out. Writing down all those emotions, fears, thoughts and then “digesting” them versus burying and avoiding them.
No matter what those are, again, not judging them just allowing them to come forward to heal them. That really is the best way through it. This may take a day, weeks or months but you must allow yourself this process and time to do it successfully.
Finding Your Next Level Success
Once you stop looking for the diet comfort, accept the present, mourn the past, it’s now time to step into your next level. The success that you are going to allow in order to stop the trap and feel amazing.
You my friend are required to OWN your failure, take responsibility for it and understand that going forward, you will stay aware, stay awake and always have your mind in the game. Owning it is the best way to full control and empowerment. It puts you in the driver’s seat. It puts you in charge of your own success from your own failures.
This can also take a lot of love and compassion for yourself along with patience and never a quick fix. You must seek your new level with curiosity and from a place of being a detective. Where you won’t get caught up in cheat days. Cheat meals and parties that then throw you off track for days or weeks and months again. Where stress won’t send you off binging because there is nothing to deprive you from in the first place. It’s finding what works for you. How to eat for your body while enjoying the things you love like desert, wine, cheeseburgers etc.
But in my own personal experiences along with other women, embracing the slow and steady is always first to get you there. Never that anxious and in the mode of right now weight loss or you will surely fall back again sooner than later. You have to start this new level from a new mindset. From all of these things. And starting from this space, new mindset, this is how you can begin the process to getting there.
But if you are struggling with this step and need some direction on your next level then I have a 12-week transformative mind and body weight loss coaching program called Undiet For Life. It not only gives you every tool you need to be successful at losing weight for life but also your mindset, the way you see food, and your body. Its my answer to helping my own emotional eating and binge disorder.
From my own pain and suffering from wanting a quick fix, to finding true freedom from food came my deep desire to help other women do just that too. Life is too short to keep you failing when you have so much more to experience in the now. Your body shouldn’t be why you don’t choose to really live it. Allow me to help you. Sign up for the program and lets just get started now.
With Nourishing Love,